11.23.2001 - 9:50 p.m.
The One With The Ultimate Christmas Present


Well, today has not been the best of days. There has been no emotional scarring, but just a bunch of things that you do and then you just put your face in your hands and go, "Oh no...." and shake your head a bit. And also the things that you just watch, mouth open, happen, and then, when it all stops, you go, "Oops."

I started off my day by waking up and falling out of bed. This has to be, by far, the worst way to start out your day. Then, I got out of bed and went to get some food. I dropped the plate before I even got to the counter.

It shattered. I was stuck in the corner of the kitchen, and when I say corner, I mean that the corner had me cornered. I could not get out.

So I sat there for several minutes before determining a path through the kitchen. I got out, luckily. I went to clean it up, but the broom disappeared, and neither of the vacuum cleaners worked.

Anyway, I then went to take a shower. I took a quick pee. This is crucial in the fact that, despite the fact that I used only the smallest bit of toilet paper, it managed to get somewhere completely out of reach of a plunger and clog up the toilet. And so the toilet overflowed (but I rescued everything on the floor of the bathroom). All day, no toilet, because I have access to one other, but cannot go in it because it is completely broken in half. The toilet. Literally. This guy (Al, you might remember him) fell on it and broke it. In half.

Then, I took a shower. I fell down in the shower. It hurt a little.

I then went into my room, after the shower. A bunch of things fell down because I shut the door too hard. I managed to get myself out, but the door was barracaded for quite a long time before I could get back IN. It was horrible.

Then, of course, just when it looked like I was going to complete the impossible task of organizing all my dad's papers, I tripped and fell. I knocked them off the table. I had to do them all over again.

Then, I was downloading AOL 7.0 onto the other computer. Just when it was about to finish, I walked over to the computer, but tripped on one of the cords, causing the computer to shut down on me. Excellent.

When my dad and uncle came home, and had a bit of food, I choked on a piece of bread. I then almost threw up because the food disagreed with me.

I then went outside, and, upon shutting the door, got my sweatshirt stuck. I was there for several minutes before somebody helped me out.

Then, I got into this big fiasco about getting a Christmas present, because I officially decided that I wanted a duck for Christmas. All I want is a duck. But dad says it has to live outside, and I said "No, I won't do that to an animal!" So then he points out, "But ducks always live outside!" When I make an awesome comeback, something along the lines of "Ducks live outside in grassy places with barns and pigs and chickens, not outside in the sand with rocks and coyotes and bobcats".

And so, in order to gain sympathy, I managed to leak some tears, and real tears they were, too- it wasn't just fake sadness, or wailing, or anything, it was those silent tears- and make it look like I was really really sad about all the past experiences I'd had with pets outside. Which I am not. I really made a bunch of stuff up, and put on a beautiful performance. I haven't cried for real for several years. Okay, well, once, but I'm not going to share what that was about because it will make me look seriously insensitive to say I cried over this and NOT something like the events of September 11th, or something.

But I still want a duck for Christmas.

There and Back again


09.03.2011 - I, whoa
10.02.2010 - Checking in.
05.21.2006 - I may not always love you
05.21.2005 - Cryptic Entry #1138
03.16.2005 - I was just a girl then


Bill