I am not very good at making attachments. I have been told this by the few people to whom I have made attachments several times. My grandmother was convinced, and may still be, that the only proper attachment I have ever made was with my mother.

Well OBVIOUSLY I've become attached to my mother.

I do not like to become attached to people because there always seems more to lose than there is to gain. There are people that try to reform you or make you think that you are what you are not and leave you feeling different. There are people to whom, no matter how comfortable you feel around them, you cannot actually be yourself.

Very rarely are there people who can change you so much that it's not superficial or artificial; it becomes a part of who you really are.

I know you've been upset at the world lately, and of course we all have our reasons and yours, I think, are perfectly rationalised. I myself get upset at the world when I cannot get on the internet or when the freezer door swings open whenever I close the refrigerator door and the refrigerator door swings open whenever I close the freezer door, or when I spend forty minutes trying to figure out which channel the satellite is on only to have it disconnected the following day.

I am putting this entry here to tell you that I think that, whether or not I'm a different person because of you, I'm a lot happier being that person.

I don't like to sound sappy, but I feel this is necessary. I'm not going to delete it because this is the one entry that isn't for me.

I want you to know that whether or not I am being a bitch or whether or not you are hating life or whether or not we are talking to each other, I think about you constantly and it is always in a high and positive light. I have never thought badly of you and that is something very few people that have come into my acquaintance have achieved. I know that on the few rare occasions we bickered about something it was all nonsense anyway and, to be truthful, it was all my fault. Even that we have never truly fought says something.

I have shared the best times of my life with you, whether or not you were there (but you usually were). You have helped me through the worst times of mine and I don't think I've done the same to you, but I hope one day I will.

There was one night when I knew absolutely that you were the best friend I'd ever had and that I'd likely ever make, and that was when I called you in the middle of the night crying and you managed not only to sit and listen to your friend bitch and moan, which I know nobody likes to do, but to wait it out a proper amount of time before even attempting to make me feel better. It was quite tactful first of all and second, I don't know that anybody else could've managed. The fact that it was on the telephone and I know how much you hate that thing added to it. I'm not sure I like the telephone very much myself.

Actually, I do recall you made my ears bleed. Whore.

What I know is that, wherever you go and wherever I go, even if it is not the same place, I will never be able to forget you. Sap. Sap sap sap.

It's true.

I got sick the day you left my house the first time.

I don't imagine refusing to go to sleep at night helped the situation, though.

The next time you hate the world, read this entry, and have proof in testimonial that you're not a blip.

I can't quite explain why you matter so much to me.

I think if I had to follow anybody to the ends of the earth to throw a Stupid Ring in a Stupid Volcano, it would be you.